Christ over Culture

Greed is defined as; an intense, selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food.

I realized I was filled with greed and filled with being intensely selfish and fueled by ungodly desire! 

Growing up I only thought of greed in a food perspective. I eat too much therefore I’m greedy but God showed me recently parts of me that were filled with greed. 

When God digs He digs deep and shows you the parts of yourself you’d rather never see. However, since I’ve seen this part of me I’ll share it with you! 

What’s so funny is I started to write this and then I stopped. Feelings of shame came over me. But I’ll continue and not let those feelings get the better of me! 

Greed is something that I struggle with in food and in loving attention. To be completely honest, today I ordered McDonalds I spent more money on it than I’d like to admit and when I got it I remembered that I really wanted some wings and fries so I went and I got that too. Thank God in my conviction I didn’t eat both or else we would have a lot more to talk about but I did desire to eat both because I wanted it all.

I find myself being like this in my walk with Christ. I see people going on missions, Lord I want to do that. I see people serving in ministry, Lord I want to do that. I see people singing and dancing at the altar, Lord I want to do that. I see and I deem it better than where I am or what I do so I desire it. Not only do I desire to do it, but I desire to be the only Christian doing it so that God could give me the highest honor, silly I know right! However, that’s the feeling that comes over me.

“If He doesn’t love me best He doesn’t love me at all.” That’s the feeling. So in my flesh I say “I have to be better than everyone, I have to be the one He loves and focuses on!”

“God, let me do everything for You” is what I pray but what I really mean is God let me do everything for You so that You can love me the most! I’m greedy for His love in the most unrighteous way! When I feel as though He bestows more honor and love on others I get jealous, angry really. “If you love them and call them where does that leave me, what can I do? Make me better so I can have the best calling” is what my heart says however my mouth says “God fill me with more of You so that I can give You glory” when my heart doesn’t really mean that!

So where can I go from here? Where do we who feel this way go from here? I wish I had the perfect fix it all immediately answer but I don’t! 

When I feel this way I pray! Immediately I try to bring it to God by saying how I feel, God I feel jealous right now, I feel overlooked, I feel forgotten, I feel inadequate however I feel deep down in that moment I try my best to bring it to Him then! Confessing and asking Him to cleanse me and help me through this so that I can overcome it. 

Whether it’s pushing the plate away and denying myself food or pulling my feelings to the surface and combating my feelings with His truth. I try my best with the Holy Spirit’s help in battling greed! 

P.S~ Greed comes in many forms but mine comes in loving food and attention! However, your greed looks bring it to God! 

One day I’ll have to tell the story of how I didn’t want to spend time with God because I really wanted to eat a sandwich!